If you are wondering why relationships are difficult, or why you don’t have the love of your life, or why you don’t feel as close to others as you’d like, it may be time to look inward.
Why do we tend to have a challenging time with relationships of any kind? The relationship you have with others, or that special one, is based on the relationship you have with yourself – how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself.
How you feel about yourself often gets in the way of having healthy, happy, loving relationships.
It’s not your fault! Most of us didn’t get any “training” in how to be in relationships that flow with ease, especially when there is a conflict or differing opinions. We weren’t brought up with the foundation we needed to feel confident and comfortable with the intimacy (friendly or romantic) that comes with deep connection. Many of us didn’t have the role modeling of kind, caring, supportive relationships from which we could create our own.
As a result of not being shown how to be in healthy relationships, it’s common to have thoughts like, I’m not meant to be in a relationship, or, There must be something wrong with me.
Are you beginning to see how the way you feel about yourself has a lot to do with your relationships? And how much growing up in a household where you weren’t taught how to be in relationships could have influenced the way you feel about yourself?
There’s one more layer to add: your identity, your sense of self. So many of us internalized the deficits we were brought up with and developed an unworthy or undeserving self – a self that has more self-judgment than self-praise and is more critical than forgiving.
Having a negative identification with yourself is not attractive
This may sound harsh, but stay with me for better news as well as some solutions! It’s the negative self-identification that is not attractive, not the person behind it. What if others could see that amazing and unique person you are instead of someone who talks and acts from a place of worthlessness and self-criticism.
What if you were able to shed any messages or experiences in your past that have you feeling unworthy of a fulfilling, caring relationship?
Well, you can and here’s why: The experiences of your past are not etched in stone; they are experiences or memories that are simply thoughts – mostly in your subconscious, which is why we often don’t understand the reason our relationships aren’t working out. You have the control over changing those thoughts. So, you can start, right now, to think about yourself in a more positive way, regardless of the way you were brought up to think!
On another positive note, you – we all – are hard-wired to connect with others. We are meant to be in relationships, so you’re already most of the way there! The need to belong and to feel safe, secure, and supported keeps us yearning for close relationships, meaning you and the people who are looking for you.
It’s what we learned or didn’t learn during our upbringing that gets in the way of having the types of relationships that would fulfill these needs. We can clear that clutter out of our paths by paying attention to our thoughts to make sure they are supporting our true selves.
A new day, a new relationship – with yourself!
It’s not too late to give yourself what you didn’t get growing up. It’s not too late to feel better about yourself and have the kind of relationships you deeply desire.
It starts with developing feelings of self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and self-care – all for YOU. Let go of the unrealistic expectations, fears, and worries from the past, so you can begin to welcome others into your life with confidence, freedom, and an open mind.
Today is a new day…and tomorrow…and the next… The more you embrace each day how wonderful you truly are the more attractive and the happier you will be, within caring relationships as well as within yourself.
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